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Mulligan Gutenberg Stewart has more than twenty years of experience typing things neatly and spelling words better than the average internet user. He has an unparalleled background in journalism that includes thousands of hours viewing investigative reports, fluff pieces and regular news across many different broadcast and cable networks.

Mulligan covering a birthday at Chuck E. Cheese

He almost always provides sources for his stories, and was voted by his peers most likely to fact check retroactively when threatened with legal action.

“Slow traffic, right lane, people. It’s not hard.”

Mulligan was a solid C student, with special recognition for participation in home room activities. He has provided no further information about what high school he attended or if he went on to university. He’s proficient in Microsoft Office, Chrome, and Firefox. Mulligan is a trained practitioner of the Oxford Comma, and will defend it by fisticuffs if necessary.

He has a beige 2003 Ford Taurus that’s for sale if you’re interested. Cash only, must be okay with cat hair and minor transmission failure.

The thing is Mulligan feels like few people ever read these bios, and that he’s in danger of being ignored and forgotten completely. Despite multiple warnings to keep it brief and to the point, he has drafted a run-on profile that now runs the risk of being off-putting and pathetic. The author begs you to like, share and subscribe, but not in a creepy way.

Mulligan also wants to stress that he despises writing about himself in the third person, and that this was written by an objective party. Not by someone crying into a glass of whiskey and Facebook stalking old flames.

There are undoubtedly other personnel working at the Post News Times, but at this time very few of them interact with the staffer in charge of profiles. We will add them as is convenient.