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Bad for you this week: Tomatoes

Eggs have been on and off the chopping block for decades. This week they’re cool, so fry ’em up.

WASHINGTON, DC – Due to a recent outbreak of salmonella contamination, tomatoes are being recalled nationwide. This makes it the latest in a long string of food products that have taken center stage as temporarily or permanently unsafe for various reasons.

 

Sources say preserved meats are due for a drubbing soon. Apparently some cancer thing. Enjoy them while they’re still in vogue.
IF YOU SAY COFFEE IS UNHEALTHY, SO HELP ME I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND

Past participants include eggs, beef, spinach, saccharin, broccoli, cranberries, apples, beef, Olestra, chicken, milk, chili, peanut butter, green onions, orange juice, bean sprouts, strawberries, ice cream, vichyssoise and pet food, among others.

The tomato is a vine-grown plant that may be a fruit, vegetable or berry of some kind. Science has yet to reach a consensus on the matter, but that has no bearing on the fact that it is off-limits for now.

Further details were not available at press time, but one authoritarian editor insisted on an additional paragraph to round out the layout of the page, given its display of more images than usual. The paragraph in question is likely to be padded with extraneous verbiage to accomplish this task. It’s not like this editor ever reads this far down. A few extra sentences might be stuck on the end to lend the appearance of length variation, as blocks of text too similar in size can look monotonous.

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