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Bloodbaths underrated, say parasites

NEW YORK – After a brutal week on Wall Street, one organization is looking at the bright side.

“People always speak of bloodbaths in a pejorative sense,” said Alvin Thorin, spokesperson for the Passenger Foundation, a think tank that represents the interests of the parasite community.

“We just want to point out that what may be a nightmarish situation for humans and other host animals is a boon for us.”

Speaking on behalf of mosquitoes, ticks, leeches, fleas and numerous other parasitic organisms, Thorin urged restraint in any response to the economic crisis.

“Don’t go selling off all your assets in a mad dash to get out of the market. Hold on to your cash, and don’t make impulse purchases like insect repellent, antibacterial soap or netting. Get outside and enjoy the beautiful wilderness. Seize the day and take that swim in the lake.”

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