HANSFRANZ, MN – A weightlifter suffered severe burns from a controversial new steroid, Sternosterone. Combining the muscle tone-building benefits of testosterone with the portable food-warming fuel of Sterno, the potent compound raises the risks of combustion when used improperly.
“It says right there on the can not to light it or inject it,” said marketing manager Tony Fabrine. “In fact, if you read the whole label, it’s pretty clear that you pretty much shouldn’t use it under any circumstances.”
Medical professionals agree, citing multiple studies that show flammable jellied alcohol should never be taken internally or combined with substances that would.