SEARCHLIGHT, NV – Stealthy practitioners of the deadly ancient art of ninjitsu are both expensive and hard to find, but one such covert mercenary has carved out a niche for the cost-minded client.
Budget Ninja, a.k.a. forklift operator Roland Boser, is a less mysterious, more accessible version of the legendary experts in espionage, sabotage, infiltration, assassination, and guerilla warfare.
“I don’t do assassinations, so get that straight,” said Boser, who saves on expenses by substituting clothing and equipment with more reasonable alternatives such as a black hoodie and throwing stars made from brake pads. “Think of me as a private investigator who’s harder to see.”
There are few rival warlords in the region for Boser to surveil or topple, so he has concentrated on small claims litigation, domestic disputes, and children’s birthday parties.
“My client is my client,” said Boser. “I approach every mission with the same dedication, whether it’s following up on worker’s comp fraud or making balloon animals.”