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Cat Orchestra Thrown Into Chaos By Conductor With Laser Baton

VIENNA, AUSTRIA – Venerated symphony orchestra conductor Delgato Calico lost all control over his performance with the Vienna Katzenorchester, a musical ensemble of cats, when he mistakenly wielded a baton with a laser pointer.

“They didn’t even get past the first note,” said witness Marguerite Getigerte, who described a scene of absolute pandemonium. “From the first tap on the stand, every single cat on stage left their station. Instruments went crashing all over. They never regained their composure after that.”

The director of the Katzenorchester Musikhalle vows to rebuild.

The orchestra was to have performed a new arrangement of Schubert’s Trout Quintet, and while some audience members report that the cats did indeed complete the initial chord of the allegro vivace movement, not another bar saw completion.

“You think getting the players into position was tough,” said woodwind trainer Sandra Meznick. “Try talking them down out of the rafters when an oboe has collided with a cello. We haven’t seen Tango, the first violin, for eighteen hours.”

The Katzenorchester will try putting on the concert again once they can convince sponsors that it was ever a good idea. The incident did, at least, provide the audience an opportunity to record several hundred hours of viral video.

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