HOT NEWS

George Foreman to deli: “I’m not going to pay a lot for this muffuletta”

March 6, 2008

NEW ORLEANS, LA – Long-time spokesman for Meineke Discount Mufflers and world heavyweight champion boxer George Foreman declared to a deli worker that he was

Trump Campaign Still Launching Election Fraud Lawsuits Out Of Sheer Habit

November 25, 2020

ALLENTOWN, PA – President Trump’s campaign legal team is continuing to criss-cross the nation in futile efforts to overturn the results of the 2020 election,

NASA: Previously unseen side of Mercury also covered with craters

January 18, 2008

OUTER SPACE – In a flyby of planet Mercury, MESSENGER spacecraft took some pictures that established definitively the existence of craters we could only postulate

This Day In History – 1984: REO Speedwagon discontinues fighting feeling

March 7, 2008

CHAMPAIGN, IL – American rock band REO Speedwagon brought closure to an unspecified feeling on this day in 1984. Songwriter and lead singer Kevin Cronin

Redesigned $5 bill features authentication key

March 13, 2008

WASHINGTON – The redesigned five-dollar bill debuts today, with new features that will help combat counterfeiting. Some measures are not publicized, but one is hard

Posts published in “LITERATURE”

Second half of article plagiarizes first half

Second half of article plagiarizes first half

By Arthur Freipasesz on August 25, 2008 |

JOURNALISM and LITERATURE

SCRAPERTON – The first half of a blog post written by one author was copied and reprinted in whole as the second half by the…

“Left Alone” series chronicles life after Rapture people disappear

“Left Alone” series chronicles life after Rapture people disappear

By Arthur Freipasesz on April 19, 2008 |

LITERATURE, LIVING and PARANORMAL

LAS VEGAS – A new series of novels depicts the world after a pre-tribulation rapture, in which righteous evangelical believers are swept from the planet…

What is a haiku?

What is a haiku?

By Arthur Freipasesz on January 10, 2008 |

ARTS and LITERATURE

what is a haiku? Japanese form of poem kinda looks like this

LETTERS

How long would the air in a walk-in freezer last for a full grown adult?

Dear Editors, Asking totally hypothetically, for a friend who was too bashful to ask. Curious in Sheboygan

Some of these letters are pretty long

Dear Editors, That’s all, I guess. I just don’t have a lot of patience. Thanks, Ed Z.

Have you seen my keys?

Dear Editors, My keys are missing. I’ve looked everywhere. Perhaps you or your readers could have some leads on where to look. They’re on a

Gigantic Radioactive Crab

Ollie is a real sweetheart looking for a forever home. He has no papers but we’re pretty sure he’s a Sand Crab from the Lower

Homegrown Corn

Available one ear at a time on a flexible schedule. Accepting orders for 4 months out. $15/ear. Must be okay with cigarette butts and possible

FREE CAR

Come and get it! 1972 Ford Galaxie. You’ll probably need to tow it because it’s wedged in between two houses. Runs great, low mileage, a

Sidecar On Day 3 Of Madcap Ride Without Motorcycle

POUGHKEEPSIE, NY – A zany ride on a sidecar that has been separated from its motorcycle entered its third day, with no sign of the

Squirrel Wants To Know If You’re Going To Eat That

CHARLOTTE, NC – An adorable squirrel is watching from a cautious distance while you eat your lunch on the park bench, wondering if you are

Rings tell of tree’s wild past

OAKLAND – Rings on the stump of a cut-down tree reveal the rowdy youth of an otherwise upstanding member of the deciduous community. “You see

Man thought dead just real laid back

BLASETON – Onlookers believed Calvin Harvis was deceased and called 911, asking for the county morgue to come pick him up. Paramedics rushed to the

Crowding forces merger of adjacent train stations

SHOPPING CENTER OAKS – Rapid development between suburban municipalities has brought their light rail depots together. “Rather than build completely new stations in between, we

All the news that fits

The Post News Times, A wholly owned subsidiary of JankyVision International, is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

Contact

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Parking Level P2
Blue 2008 Tempo
JankyVision Tower
Denver, CO 80210
(800) JK5-NULL
[email protected]
@jankyvision

EDITORIALS

I don’t hate you, I just want you out of my way.

You wouldn’t download a bicycle

You bet your ass I’d download a bicycle

REVIEWS

“A Spoon From Home” in Hardcover is Hard to Keep Open

“Vampire Cop” [insert review summary here]

Beef Jerky Ice Cream? Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.

In the Store

Water Leveler

Leftover of the Month Subscription

Vintage Chemistry Set

Rickety Bike Ramp Kit

George Foreman to deli: “I’m not going to pay a lot for this muffuletta”

Trump Campaign Still Launching Election Fraud Lawsuits Out Of Sheer Habit

NASA: Previously unseen side of Mercury also covered with craters

This Day In History – 1984: REO Speedwagon discontinues fighting feeling

Redesigned $5 bill features authentication key

Posts published in “LITERATURE”

Second half of article plagiarizes first half

“Left Alone” series chronicles life after Rapture people disappear

What is a haiku?

LETTERS

How long would the air in a walk-in freezer last for a full grown adult?

Some of these letters are pretty long

Have you seen my keys?

CLASSIFIEDS

Gigantic Radioactive Crab

Homegrown Corn

FREE CAR

Sidecar On Day 3 Of Madcap Ride Without Motorcycle

Squirrel Wants To Know If You’re Going To Eat That

Rings tell of tree’s wild past

Man thought dead just real laid back

Crowding forces merger of adjacent train stations

All the news that fits

Contact

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