TREE CARE – The Post News Times

HOT NEWS

Comedy writers taking refuge in politics

January 19, 2016

WASHINGTON DC – Frustrated that real life increasingly negates the function of satire, humorists are taking their craft to the world of politics. “Voters have

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the ground was, in fact, still.

NASA: Previously unseen side of Mercury also covered with craters

January 18, 2008

OUTER SPACE – In a flyby of planet Mercury, MESSENGER spacecraft took some pictures that established definitively the existence of craters we could only postulate

This Day In History – 1984: REO Speedwagon discontinues fighting feeling

March 7, 2008

CHAMPAIGN, IL – American rock band REO Speedwagon brought closure to an unspecified feeling on this day in 1984. Songwriter and lead singer Kevin Cronin

Trump Campaign Still Launching Election Fraud Lawsuits Out Of Sheer Habit

November 25, 2020

ALLENTOWN, PA – President Trump’s campaign legal team is continuing to criss-cross the nation in futile efforts to overturn the results of the 2020 election,

LETTERS

I saw that

Dear Editors, You with the red jacket and black cap. At the corner of 8th and Elm, yesterday at 1 pm. Bet you thought nobody

The instructions said all I needed was a tape measure and a screwdriver

Dear Editors, It has been three weeks. I have not eaten or seen my family. The basement is torn to pieces and I can’t find

You blew out the candles at my 7th birthday and I haven’t forgotten, James

Dear Editors, It’s been 41 years, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my birthday cake at Ferrell’s. James from apartment

I thought I sold this already

VCR with some VHS tapes. Not sure if it works, it’s been sitting in the basement since 1998. There’s no remote, and the picture is

Any one of these cars – TIME SENSITIVE

Hurry up, this is a one-time type of deal. Pick out any car from this lot and I will deliver it to you for $500.

FREE CAR

Come and get it! 1972 Ford Galaxie. You’ll probably need to tow it because it’s wedged in between two houses. Runs great, low mileage, a

Grocery enforces zero tolerance policy in express lane

AUSTERIA – A major discount grocery chain has implemented a zero-tolerance policy in its express lanes, according to a company spokesperson. “If you get in

Building rapport with car horns

HOUSTON, TX – Reaching out and connecting with others in traffic can be done simply with the use of the horn in your automobile. Millions

Tater Tats does ink for potatoes

BURBANK, ID – Spud Russet has always wanted a tattoo, but conventional salons would not allow him to get one because he’s not human. “My

Last place team in league of 4 makes playoffs

TANNER, CA – Despite a season of zero wins and mostly shutouts, Tanner Little League team Doug’s Team has made the playoffs. “The guys are

Monster Truck Brought To Standstill By Speed Bump

VAPERTON, IL – An all-terrain monster truck with 66-inch, 800-pound tires and $1,600 shock absorbers came to a complete stop today to traverse the 3-inch-high

All the news that fits

The Post News Times, A wholly owned subsidiary of JankyVision International, is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

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Parking Level P2
Blue 2008 Tempo
JankyVision Tower
Denver, CO 80210
(800) JK5-NULL
[email protected]
@jankyvision

EDITORIALS

Something Must Be Done.

As a matter of fact, I was raised in a barn

I don’t hate you, I just want you out of my way.

REVIEWS

Art Review: “Resplendence In Equanimity” By Chuck “Charley” Charles – Coffee On Packing Paper, 2019

“A Spoon From Home” in Hardcover is Hard to Keep Open

“Vampire Cop” [insert review summary here]

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Armored Kitchen Sponges

Mystery Pharmaceuticals

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