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HOT NEWS

Spielberg to direct 10 minute biopic on William Henry Harrison presidency

April 28, 2015

HOLLYWOOD – Director Steven Spielberg is set to direct another presidential biopic like 2012’s Lincoln, this one a short film about the shortest presidency in

Redesigned $5 bill features authentication key

March 13, 2008

WASHINGTON – The redesigned five-dollar bill debuts today, with new features that will help combat counterfeiting. Some measures are not publicized, but one is hard

200th JankyVision post kind of a dud

July 14, 2008

EDITOR’S NOTE: JankyVision was purchased by The Post News Times in 2018 and as such took possession of and credit for all their content. We

HAL 2008 assures voters that all systems are functional

November 1, 2008

SWINGTOWN – Sentient supercomputer HAL-2008 wishes to reiterate its complete confidence in its ability to handle the presidential election with accuracy, fairness and efficiency. “You

McCain vows to capture Obama if elected

October 27, 2008

CLEVELAND – Republican presidential candidate John McCain, senator from Arizona, promised today to hunt down “terrorist pal” Barack Hussein Obama and bring him to justice

LETTERS

Is this what you’re calling letters?

Dear Editors, I’ve been a subscriber to this newspaper for twenty-some years, mostly so I could read my complaints in the letters section. But lately

I started thinking about tying my shoes and now I can’t do it

Dear Editors, I made the mistake of paying attention while I was tying my shoes, and it seems to have disrupted an automated process. Now,

I have been writing fake letters all day and I just wanted to tell someone

Dear Editors, You might judge me harshly for this, but I have been sitting at my laptop for hours, just clacking away at the keyboard

DON’T GET YOUR HOPES UP OR NOTHING

I’m a pitiful slob, I don’t apply myself enough and I don’t have a job. But if you’d like to get together sometime, I know

Great business opportunity! Totally not a pyramid scheme

You can make up to $2,000, $3,000, or more every month out of your living room without lifting a finger! You would have to buy

Any one of these cars – TIME SENSITIVE

Hurry up, this is a one-time type of deal. Pick out any car from this lot and I will deliver it to you for $500.

It’s officially “Nucular” now

WASHINGTON DC – The grouping of protons and neutrons at the center of every atom has been renamed “nuculus” in favor of its harder-to-pronounce former

Blurry photo ends up getting used

BRIGHTON, UK – Photographer Jay Mensbee has ended up putting to use an image that he had originally rejected. “A blogger contacted me and asked

Slow-motion clips of perp walks to be admitted as evidence of guilt

CINCINNATI, OH – A federal appeals court has just ruled that grainy, slow-motion footage of arrested suspects being paraded before cameras to make them look

Someday this part of my life will be the pivotal montage in a made-for-TV movie

Opinion by Jake McDagitt Right now it seems like the whole world is caving in on me. I’m in the middle of a messy divorce,

Diner uses only fork in attempt to chase down last garbanzo bean

BELMAR – A diner at Chana Hut spent over four minutes chasing a single garbanzo, also knows as a chick pea, around the plate in

All the news that fits

The Post News Times, A wholly owned subsidiary of JankyVision International, is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

Contact

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Parking Level P2
Blue 2008 Tempo
JankyVision Tower
Denver, CO 80210
(800) JK5-NULL
[email protected]
@jankyvision

EDITORIALS

Something Must Be Done.

As a matter of fact, I was raised in a barn

I don’t hate you, I just want you out of my way.

REVIEWS

Art Review: “Resplendence In Equanimity” By Chuck “Charley” Charles – Coffee On Packing Paper, 2019

“A Spoon From Home” in Hardcover is Hard to Keep Open

“Vampire Cop” [insert review summary here]

In the Store

Pocket Pi Reference

Mystery Pharmaceuticals

River Current Indicator

Kitchen Drawer Starter Kit