HOT NEWS

Trump Refuses To Show Taxes To IRS

May 9, 2019

WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. President Donald J. Trump raised eyebrows today by announcing that he will not comply with demands from the Internal Revenue Service

HAL 2008 assures voters that all systems are functional

November 1, 2008

SWINGTOWN – Sentient supercomputer HAL-2008 wishes to reiterate its complete confidence in its ability to handle the presidential election with accuracy, fairness and efficiency. “You

Space Shuttle Repossessed

March 3, 2008

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, FL – NASA Adminstrators were stunned Monday evening when a massive tow truck hauled away Space Shuttle Endeavour. “It’s not what it

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the ground was, in fact, still.

1987: Anti-drug PSA makes Generation X hungry

May 21, 2008

DOWNEY, NY – A public service announcement intended to discourage the use of drugs instead gave a generation of television viewers the munchies. “I’m not

Posts published in “NUCLEAR”

Headline Alludes To Astonishing Fact Found Nowhere In Article

Headline Alludes To Astonishing Fact Found Nowhere In Article

By Howie Aldouin on May 10, 2019 |

BREAKINGNEWS, CLICKBAIT, CLIMATE, CONSPIRACY, ENERGY, ENVIRONMENT, JOURNALISM, MONEY, MORE, NUCLEAR, PARANORMAL, POLITICS, PRODUCTIVITY and SCITECH

NEW YORK, NY – A lengthy article published today promised an explosive revelation that pertains to millions of readers. But first, a little context: The…

11 Songs That Aren’t About What You Think. #4 Blew Me Away!

11 Songs That Aren’t About What You Think. #4 Blew Me Away!

By Anita Beaker on January 25, 2017 |

DOGS, ESPIONAGE, NUCLEAR and POLITICS

There are songs we’ve heard all our lives and thought we knew what they meant. Here are eleven that have stunning origins unlike what you…

LETTERS

The editors have lost their damn minds

Dear Editors, Yeah, you. You have lost your damn minds. You have all gone completely bonkers and dropped a wheel. Y’all got a whole bunch

The instructions said all I needed was a tape measure and a screwdriver

Dear Editors, It has been three weeks. I have not eaten or seen my family. The basement is torn to pieces and I can’t find

I asked my doctor and he has no idea what I’m talking about

Dear Editors, In keeping with the protocol suggested by their own advertising, I asked my doctor about Vantrenzigobin and how it might help me with

I thought I sold this already

VCR with some VHS tapes. Not sure if it works, it’s been sitting in the basement since 1998. There’s no remote, and the picture is

FREE CAR

Come and get it! 1972 Ford Galaxie. You’ll probably need to tow it because it’s wedged in between two houses. Runs great, low mileage, a

2 BR Apartment with great view of exhibitionists’ living room

$2030/mo. Lower Uptown area – beautifully remodeled apartment on 4th floor with controlled access, washer/dryer, creek/trail nearby, Nest thermostat, stainless steel appliances, great view of

Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling

Producers of beef, pork and other meat products have begun listing more specific ingredients that occasionally appear in the mix. Much like labeling that reads

New gadget to be militarized somehow

CAMBRIDGE – Inventors of a revolutionary new gadget are certain that it will be weaponized or used for some sort of military end at some

Slow-motion clips of perp walks to be admitted as evidence of guilt

CINCINNATI, OH – A federal appeals court has just ruled that grainy, slow-motion footage of arrested suspects being paraded before cameras to make them look

H.R. the Musical breaks attendance records

CANTON, OH – Little-known outside corporate circles, the touring production of H.R. The Musical is breaking attendance records in event centers across the country. Ticket

COMING SOON: An interview with the Jackson Pollock of Chart Design

This coming week we will have a sit-down with abstract expressionist chart designer Roman Bench. His work is often compared to revolutionary American painter Jackson

All the news that fits

The Post News Times, A wholly owned subsidiary of JankyVision International, is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

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Blue 2008 Tempo
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(800) JK5-NULL
[email protected]
@jankyvision

EDITORIALS

I don’t hate you, I just want you out of my way.

You wouldn’t download a bicycle

You bet your ass I’d download a bicycle

REVIEWS

“A Spoon From Home” in Hardcover is Hard to Keep Open

“Vampire Cop” [insert review summary here]

Beef Jerky Ice Cream? Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.

In the Store

My First Tactical Nuke

Mystery Pharmaceuticals

Active Bookmark

Pocket Pi Reference

Trump Refuses To Show Taxes To IRS

HAL 2008 assures voters that all systems are functional

Space Shuttle Repossessed

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

1987: Anti-drug PSA makes Generation X hungry

Posts published in “NUCLEAR”

Headline Alludes To Astonishing Fact Found Nowhere In Article

11 Songs That Aren’t About What You Think. #4 Blew Me Away!

LETTERS

The editors have lost their damn minds

The instructions said all I needed was a tape measure and a screwdriver

I asked my doctor and he has no idea what I’m talking about

CLASSIFIEDS

I thought I sold this already

FREE CAR

2 BR Apartment with great view of exhibitionists’ living room

Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling

New gadget to be militarized somehow

Slow-motion clips of perp walks to be admitted as evidence of guilt

H.R. the Musical breaks attendance records

COMING SOON: An interview with the Jackson Pollock of Chart Design

All the news that fits

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