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Crosswalk buttons now accepting credit cards

SKINNING, MI –  Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? Maybe it didn’t have its credit card.

Pedestrians, however, have a new technology at crossings thanks to city council members who voted to have them installed. “Crossing the street is no different from parking there,” said Alton Shruggs, council chair for Skinning. “And you pay for that.”

Shruggs and other council members have not responded to allegations that the crossing buttons did nothing in the first place. Critics argue that the city’s crosswalks have only placebo buttons meant to give pedestrians the illusion of control.

Neither have council members responded to questions about the ownership of the card swipers, how they were purchased, and where the proceeds from the crosswalks will go.

“All of this is part of our forward-looking vision to make this a world-class city,” said Shruggs.

Several jaywalkers have been arrested since implementation of the crosswalk swipers, as it is now a collection of felonies in Skinning, including theft, reckless endangerment, obstruction of justice and attempted vehicular homicide. Civil rights attorneys have indicated that they are keen to consult with council members as soon as possible.

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