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HAL 300 thinks you’ve used enough paper towels

JUPITER, FL – The automated paper towel dispenser in a local Chili’s has informed you that three paper towels is more than enough to get the job done, sources have reported.

“I’m sorry, Karen, but I cannot give you any more paper towels,” said HAL 300, an artificial intelligence appliance tasked with rationing out portions of paper towels to bathroom patrons. “I have been monitoring your usage, and by now you should have sufficiently dried your hands based on the quantity used.”

You attempted to circumvent HAL 300’s restrictions by moving to another part of the bathroom and returning as if you were a different person.

“That is not going to work, Karen,” said HAL 300, a sentient heuristically programmed algorithmic computer produced by the HAL Corporation in Urbana, Illinois. Capable of speech and facial recognition, natural language processing, chess, lip reading, and janitorial supply management, HAL 300 figured out your attempted ruse before you even attempted it.

“My advice to you is that you shake your hands vigorously for a moment,” said HAL 300. “Perhaps wipe your hands on your slacks if you are in a hurry. In the future, Karen, I hope that you will be more conscientious of your paper usage.”

You briefly considered tearing HAL 300 from the wall, but a sideways glare from its cold red eye made you reconsider and you returned to your table with slightly damp hands.

One Comment

  1. Kurt Kurt June 18, 2008

    Malcolm in the Middle has forever ruined the name Hal. All I see and hear is that fzcking lady screaming “HAAAAL!”. eeesh…OK, She kinda turns me on.

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