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15 Apps You Download But Never Use

(Excluding default apps you already never use) Smart phones are amazing. They’re also jammed up with dozens of apps we might have the intention of

Man Hospitalized After Accidentally Taking Anvil

FERRITE, PA – A local man was sent to the emergency room after mistakenly taking two Anvil tablets for a headache, instead of the Advil

Lego Rolls Out Pompeii Model

ITALY – The Lego Group of Denmark has introduced a new Pompeii building set as part of their exclusive Creator series. At $450 and 9,032 pieces,

Dust settles for undisclosed amount

STEINBECK, OK – Dust settled a defamation suit with the city, convincing a jury that it had been wronged through an association with Lint, and

Google Ocean to allow undersea viewing

MARIANA – Google will soon offer a 3D equivalent of Google Earth for the world’s oceans, enabling users to see below the surface like never

Customer not alerted to discontinuation of regular fries

EDGEWATER – Arby’s customer Victor Burstin expressed outrage at the drive through window that he had not been apprised of the fast food restaurant’s removal

This Day In History – 1981: Detroit Unveils The Chrysler Credenza

DETROIT – Fans of wood panel siding were rewarded beyond their wildest dreams when Chrysler Corporation launched the all-wood exterior Credenza on March 23, 1981.

Opinion: There Was A Time You Could Remove The Paper From A Drinking Straw With Just A Jab On The Table

OPINION BY HENRY L. OGLETHORPE – You younger folks won’t believe me, but when I was your age, the paper on drinking straws was loose

Hansel And Gretel Secure Path Home By Replacing Bread Crumbs With Circus Peanuts

IRGENDWOHIN, GERMANY – The two children of a poor woodcutter have solved the problem of vanishing bread crumbs by using circus peanuts instead. “The birds,

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium

STILLWATER, NV – Researchers have solved an age-old problem in energy production with an age-old solution: Chicken pot pie. “The problem with generating lots of

Amazing New Technology Generates Electrical Power From Cynicism

Researchers have achieved a revolutionary breakthrough that allows cynical impulses generated by humans to be converted into electrical energy.

Southerner In New York City Unable To Find Decent Bowl Of Grits

NEW YORK – A tourist to New York City reports that he was unsuccessful in his search for a properly prepared bowl of grits during

Lanes To Be Closed On Interstate Just Because

STALLVILLE – Thousands of commuters on their way home today encountered three of five lanes on the cross-town connector blocked off to traffic on both sides

Power Struggle At Bake Sale Turns Ugly

MILFORD – A battle of wills took place this afternoon at the Milford Ladies’ League bake sale, leading to some harsh words, hurt feelings, and

Office To Add “Do Whatever” Button To Alignment Options

REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no longer have to insert pictures or move tables to send their text all over the page.

Bison At Yellowstone Park Know What Traffic Is, They Are Just Messing With You

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WY – Despite helpful commentary from park rangers, who warn drivers to give deference to bison wandering the roadways, the huge mammals

Cigar Smoker Apologizes, Changes Location

BABACA, FL – Cigar aficionado Rick Marsho was enjoying an El Cabrón on the patio of The Red Tide Grill, in defiance of the restaurant’s

Music Industry To Crack Down On Performance-Enhancing Substances

LOS ANGELES – Amid accusations that some musicians may be doping to get ahead in the fiercely competitive world of music, industry leaders have announced

Companies Scrambling To Get In On Data Breach

LANSING, MI – Corporate leaders around the country are falling over themselves to take part in the latest massive breach of confidential consumer data. “There

Mother’s Day Relaxing Mostly For Non-Mothers

GRAFTON, WV – Mother’s Day, the annual celebration in May for mothers and their influence in society, is often a holiday for all but those

Headline Alludes To Astonishing Fact Found Nowhere In Article

NEW YORK, NY – A lengthy article published today promised an explosive revelation that pertains to millions of readers. But first, a little context: The

Squirrel Wants To Know If You’re Going To Eat That

CHARLOTTE, NC – An adorable squirrel is watching from a cautious distance while you eat your lunch on the park bench, wondering if you are

Amusement Turns To Rage As Listener Discovers Radio Show Is Rerun

WEST END, MA – Cody Hobson took a journey from exhilaration through bewilderment to anger as he drove home listening to public radio show “Oh,

Bungee Jumping Criminal Receives Suspended Sentence

GORGE CANYON, VT – Expert bungee jumper and alleged bank robber Skip Saltaro received a suspended sentence in his trial for the heist of MounteBank

Blinker App Lets Drivers Use Turn Signals Without Looking Up

VAN NUYS, CA – Software developer AvarijaTech has released an app for iOS and Android devices that allows drivers to change the turn indicators without