It’s getting harder to open a stupid bag of chips anymore

Dear Editors,

Don’t start in with that “You’re just getting old” crap. I’m a Marine (retired) and once performed an emergency appendectomy on myself with a butter knife and some fishing line. I can crush a cue ball with one hand and rip a phone book (you punks wouldn’t know what that is) in half.

Packaging is getting too tough to open without shredding the bag. Chips or cereal go everywhere. So you try and be gentle, but it won’t separate.

I think they’re doing this on purpose. Back in my day, you could get a bag of Lucky Charms (not a word) open right up at the seam. None of this tearing down the side of the bag.

And what about those candy bars? Wrapper tears lengthwise, while the expectation is that you’ll be eating the thing perpendicular to your mouth. So now you’ve got this excess of wrapper pieces kinda hanging from the sides or peeling off and you have to manage all that. It’s disgraceful.

I think they’re doing it on purpose.

Same goes for milk cartons. Try to open one of those lately? The kind where it’s folded into a little roof at the top and you have to squeeze it just right at the corners to get the inside flap thing to fold out.

Margaret says that’s why they’re making them with screw tops now, and also that I should just cut the top of the bag with scissors. You think we had scissors when we were face down in the sand, dodging sniper fire and trying to get into some Frosted Mini Wheats?

It’s the principle. Packaging should work for mankind, not against it. While I acknowledge that it’s not as crucial as constitutional freedoms for which we stand ever vigilant, it is one of those things that makes life nice while you’re doing so.

Look into it, packaging people. Get it done.

Just tryin’ to open some bags,