The instructions said all I needed was a tape measure and a screwdriver

Dear Editors,

It has been three weeks. I have not eaten or seen my family. The basement is torn to pieces and I can’t find one of my fingers.

I just wanted a bookshelf. Why me?

Desperately,
Louis B.

I saw that

Dear Editors, You with the red jacket and black cap. At the corner of 8th and Elm, yesterday at 1 pm. Bet you thought nobody

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