GIOVANNI CANAL, MARS – Witnesses reported seeing an unidentified flying object Monday in a rural, deserted part of the planet.
“It just hovered there for a few seconds, and then plopped down to the ground,” said Marvin Shergotty, who was on his way to a basketball tournament with three friends.
Shergotty obtained video of the craft, of which only a few frames show anything recognizable or in focus. “When I saw it rising up, I immediately I grabbed my crappiest camera and took some footage while waving it around.”
The mysterious object moved in ways unlike anything the witnesses have seen before.
“It was primitive. No cloaking or vacuum gravity propulsion. We’re talking propellors. No way it’s from anywhere around here. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re looking at ingenuity. It’s just that nobody on this planet would go with propellors in such a thin atmosphere. And now it’s just sitting there not doing anything impressive at all.”
Spokesmartian Liddell Greenman of Mars Aeronautical & Space Administration (MASA) declined to comment on the incident, but did offer speculation as to the possibility of aliens behind the technology.
“If it really was aliens that sent this, it’s reasonable to assume that they look similar to us, cephalopods with large, bulky brown bodies, sixteen snake-like tentacles, and a V-shaped mouth.”
A statement from military officials at the Hexagon holds no clues as to whether the object could be sent by residents of another planet:
“If this phenomenon really were the work of some hostile extramartian civilization, we’re not too worried about some war of the worlds breaking out.”
The Hexagon is preparing a cover story that witnesses actually saw Jupiter reflecting off of some swamp gas. The object will be catalogued and warehoused with others of unknown origin, including a couple of basic four-wheeled passengerless vehicles.