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Dennis wants to put his roots down somewhere outside the city.

Office ficus tree longs for the wild

AUCKLAND, NZ – A ficus tree that has spent most of its adult life indoors in a business park is growing restless and wants to get back to nature.

“You could say I’m pining for the great outdoors,” said the tree known as Dennis by coworkers. “I get along with everybody here for the most part, but there are days when I want to be around more of my own crowd,” by which he means other plants, and specifically ficus trees.

Lars prefers the reception area. When he was near the break room he was occasionally given coffee, which he dislikes.

Dennis has a few acquaintances who are also plants, although they make contact only infrequently when offices are being relocated. One other ficus, Lars, shares with Dennis the desire to leave office life behind.

“At least the humans get to go home every night,” said Lars. “We’re stuck in here all day and night. No visits from birds or bugs. Hardly anyone talks to us, except Jean from client services.”

The pair have a third compatriot Nigella, who resides at the airport terminal.

“She likes the bustle and all, but she’s also keen to get away and see the forest. One of her cousins has saplings she’s never met.”

Nigella plans to do some intense pollination as soon as she’s able.


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