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Optimus Subprime on verge of collapse

PORTLAND – Optimus Subprime, a lesser-known Transformer who masquerades as a rusted out antique Saab, is in dire condition and may crumble at any moment.

The alien robot, capable of rearranging into different forms, had enjoyed some invigorating years helping earthlings obtain risky no-document home loans. Various economic factors have since driven him from favor.

Optimus Subprime now lives hand-to-engine on the streets, mumbling restlessly about a coming battle with the Deneocons. Experts say without a complete overhaul and paint job, he may end up in the scrap yard.

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