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Philosopher King provides fast, affordable evaluation of life questions

HEGEL MILLS – The newest chain in the food court serves only food for thought — Philosopher King offers up specialized menus of realism, empiricism, pragmatism and more.

Along with the King mascot, the Phenomenology-to-go outlet features Plato & The Gadfly Guys, who wander around the playground raising eternal questions.

“Our offerings run the gamut of western philosophy,” said Russ Bertrand, shift manager and inventor of the Metaphysics Meal, the Quick Mull and a scratch card game called “Tao-Cha-Ching” in which one wins cash prizes by finding enlightenment. “We do some eastern stuff too, but if you want more rigorous study in that area, try Siddhartha’s across the court.”

“For young kids, we have the Lao-Zoo, a kind of Zen garden with bouncy balls. Older kids will enjoy the Nietzsche Playground. It gets rough in there, but it won’t kill you.”

The menu includes several value combos, or customers can purchase philosophy “A la Descartes”.


  1. Anonymous Anonymous December 1, 2008

    Very funny! 🙂

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