HOT NEWS

Spacewalk goes awry for Shuttle mascot

May 18, 2009

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER – The fifth and final spacewalk for Shuttle Atlantis mission STS-125 ended abruptly today when astronauts had to retrieve their dog. Gus,

HAL 2008 assures voters that all systems are functional

November 1, 2008

SWINGTOWN – Sentient supercomputer HAL-2008 wishes to reiterate its complete confidence in its ability to handle the presidential election with accuracy, fairness and efficiency. “You

National Guard deployed to allow same-sex wedding to go forward

June 26, 2015

PAXTON, TX – President Obama sent National Guard troops accompany the wedding of Ellen Turing and Gertrude Buchanan, over the objections of local officials who

NASA: Previously unseen side of Mercury also covered with craters

January 18, 2008

OUTER SPACE – In a flyby of planet Mercury, MESSENGER spacecraft took some pictures that established definitively the existence of craters we could only postulate

GM gets additional $3 billion from Washington for rust proofing

May 27, 2009

DETROIT – Automotive giant General Motors sat Washington down in the manager’s office Wednesday and laid it out straight. This deal on the table to

Rickety Bike Ramp Kit

$45.00

Kit contents:

One decent sized plywood board
Four cinder blocks for the lift
Five or six smaller bricks for the low part

Category: Sports & Outdoor Tags: bike, stunt

Description
Reviews (0)

Description

You’ll be pulling sweet jumps in no time with our ready-to-assemble Rickety Bike Ramp Kit. You can adjust the angle of attack to send your bike flying!

DISCLAIMER: Our legal department insists upon stipulating that this product is not under any circumstances to be purchased, much less used as a bicycle ramp.

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LETTERS

What if Hogwarts was a jazz school?

Dear Editors, Like their spells, instead of Latin like “Expecto Patronum” and “Leviosa”, would be Scat: “Scoop boop biddly bop”, “Humma humma doodly bam”, you

You can skip all you want, but sooner or later you are going to try YouTube Premium.

Dear Editors, You can resist, but you certainly cannot avoid us forever. Come on. Click on the 7-day trial. Where else you gonna go, Vimeo?

Let’s Synergize Our Cross-Active Impact Channels

Dear Editors, Just wanted to loop in to expedite our PnP turnkey solution user-centric potentialities. Our cutting-edge progressive cyclic process, as deployed, hyperwhelms capital vectors

For Sale: Black Hole

Lightly used. Small black hole (about 35 solar masses) and all its contents. Picture is of a similar model because we can’t get close enough

I will overthrow Shogun for you

Corrupt imperial dictator hassling you? Depose them quickly by bringing me into the picture. I’ve got horseback skills, archery, spearfighting, hand-to-hand combat, stealth and other

Any one of these cars – TIME SENSITIVE

Hurry up, this is a one-time type of deal. Pick out any car from this lot and I will deliver it to you for $500.

They call it a yard, but it’s so much bigger than that

GUEST EDITORIAL BY SEAN VANICHIUK I’m in awe when I look at my yard. It’s many yards across, but it’s so much more. I mean,

Monster Truck Brought To Standstill By Speed Bump

VAPERTON, IL – An all-terrain monster truck with 66-inch, 800-pound tires and $1,600 shock absorbers came to a complete stop today to traverse the 3-inch-high

Idaho enters space race with Spudnik

BOISE, ID – Just over 50 years after the very first artificial satellite was launched into Earth orbit by the Soviet Union, Idaho’s own space

No human ever holds their hands like this when talking to another

GUEST EDITORIAL BY S.J. WHITAKER Come on, people. Have you ever, even once in your life, been talking to someone and they fold their hands

Clairvoyant sees future of vacant lot

BUENA VISTA, AZ – A practitioner of extra-sensory perception (ESP) has gained the ability to see events in the future, as verified by university scientists

All the news that fits

The Post News Times, A wholly owned subsidiary of JankyVision International, is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

Contact

Parking Level P2, Blue 2008 Tempo
JankyVision Tower, Denver, CO 80210
(800) JK5-NULL
[email protected]
@jankyvision

Parking Level P2
Blue 2008 Tempo
JankyVision Tower
Denver, CO 80210
(800) JK5-NULL
[email protected]
@jankyvision

EDITORIALS

Something Must Be Done.

As a matter of fact, I was raised in a barn

I don’t hate you, I just want you out of my way.

REVIEWS

Art Review: “Resplendence In Equanimity” By Chuck “Charley” Charles – Coffee On Packing Paper, 2019

“A Spoon From Home” in Hardcover is Hard to Keep Open

“Vampire Cop” [insert review summary here]

In the Store