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Locals were alarmed to learn that a rocket was being launched from a shopping center.

Satellite launch delayed by gravity

FT MYERS, FL – SpaceCorp suffered a major setback when their Kiwi Grand rocket failed to clear the launch pad, scuttling a mission to send a supply satellite into orbit.

At ignition, the first stage could not build up sufficient thrust to overcome the tug of gravity, which led to an indefinite delay of both rocket and payload.

“We factored gravity into every one of our calculations, but it jumped up to bite us,” said lead rocket scientist Jim Luckett. “We should have done a lot more math about how much fuel it takes to launch stuff into space, how much things have to weigh or not weigh.”

SpaceCorp has yet to mitigate the overwhelming, pervasive influence of Earth’s pull on all mass.

“It’s not like weather, where you can wait it out,” said Luckett. “Gravity is always waiting around for you, and it will remind you who’s boss.”

Every previous SpaceCorp launch has failed: The Dodo Titan, Puffin Massive, and Gentoo Hefty all got no further than a few inches above the ground. Luckett has considered hiring aerospace engineers who guarantee they can make his venture successful, but he thinks the problem might be in branding.

“All the good bird names were taken,” said Luckett. “We’re going to try some cool reptiles next.”

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