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Southerner In New York City Unable To Find Decent Bowl Of Grits

NEW YORK – A tourist to New York City reports that he was unsuccessful in his search for a properly prepared bowl of grits during the entirety of his visit.

“I found a couple places that advertised ‘shrimp and grits’, but it’s just not the same as you get in Tuscaloosa,” said Alabama native Jefferson Crowther. “I don’t know, maybe it’s the water. But a couple bites and I’m not even sure they’re using real grits. Can they even get those up here?”

Five days into his stay in a city world-renowned for its restaurants, Crowther determined that the pursuit was futile.

“How hard could it be to put a few Waffle Houses around this town?” said Crowther, who lives within a few minutes of three locations.

“It’s all just really weird food. I couldn’t find a place that even mentioned pickled eggs, okra, or boiled peanuts. I don’t know what these folks eat.”

One server listened patiently as Crowther described what he was after, and instead of grits returned to the table with a bowl of polenta. Accounts differ as to the resulting exchange, but the dish was ultimately turned away.

Along with his difficulties over grits, Crowther estimates that he spent about three hours in total explaining to servers that he wanted “sweet tea”, a popular southern beverage consisting of iced tea with copious amounts of sugar already mixed in.

Crowther plans to return home and enjoy a large bowl of cheese grits ‘done right’ and regale his hometown friends with stories of his quest.

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