PHILADELPHIA – The caretaker of a functioning time travel device has allegedly taken it for personal use to rewind portions of live radio to parts he had missed.
Gordon Tipler, an employee of time machine proprietor Biftannen Technologies, has been suspended without pay pending an investigation. Biftannen also developed the device, which is capable of mind-bending absurdities in the time-space continuum.
According to the charges outlined in a press release, Tipler first began using the time machine in August when he heard the end of a song on a classic rock station for which he could not remember the title or artist. By the end of the month he was traveling back hours and days just to catch interviews that he’d missed on NPR.
Tipler’s attorney would not return calls for comment. Tipler had only one statment on record, to the effect that he had “grown accustomed to rewinding television programs at home and the temptation was too hard to resist.”
A human resources employee caught on to Tipler’s multithreaded paper trail when he accidentally clocked in twice coming back from lunch. The investigation will look thoroughly into the last few weeks and reportedly fire Tipler on the day of his first infraction.