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Researchers are drawing straws to determine who will get to try it first.

UPDATE: Massive particle collider smashes subatomic particles, finds creamy nougat center

GENEVA – A stunning yet accidental result from an experiment on the Large Hadron Collider has revealed the nature of one subatomic particle as a creamy nougat center.

“A research assistant was surfing the Internet at his station, and he clicked on a link that offered ‘hot proton-on-proton action’,” said Giles Naughton, lead hadronologist. “We were still setting up the experiment, and he unknowingly switched on the collider. Nobody was hurt, but he’s been docked a week’s pay, and we do have this rather pleasant surprise.”

Nougat is a confection made of sugar or honey and usually some kind of nut, in this case pistachio. Its presence at the heart of a proton, however, was completely unexpected. Pending further research, the particle has been nicknamed the Nougaton.

“While it answers one question, it only raises others,” said Naughton. “We know now that the proton is comprised of creamy nougat, and that in turn that nougat is comprised of sugar and pistachios, but are those the same form of sugar and pistachios with which we are familiar? Is there some sort of smaller particle that forms nougat molecules?”

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