DENVER, CO – Meteorologists were stunned by the long, strange, freakish patterns on display across the nation yesterday, the 20th of April, an otherwise ordinary date for all intents and purposes.
“It was hazy in patches, there were hot fronts and cold fronts, like the air itself came alive,” said weather forecaster Blake Newstrom, who was reporting from Civic Center Park downtown along with thousands of other observers. “What a great turnout to witness the weather happening firsthand, man. At first I was like, what’s going on here, but then I was all, this is awesome!”
Various phenomena manifested across time and space around the globe to form a complete, perfect whole. There was sunshine, rain, wind, high pressure and low, all of it happening without the slightest indication of difficulty.
“It just happened, everywhere. It was beautiful. So beautiful,” said Newstrom, who concluded his report from a local donut shop singing Van Morrison songs out loud.