WASHINGTON, DC – After the release of former press secretary Scott McClellan’s embarrassing and accusatory memoir What Happened, the White House announced today that it will sully in advance the credibility of staffers, advisers and anyone who could write a book about their experience.
“Given the potential for any employee here to do damage to the administration, we’re just being proactive in destroying whatever believability they might have,” said current press secretary Dana Perino. “Especially if they’re going to reveal things that actually happened.”
Perino and the rest of the White House staff were stuck in response mode after McClellan’s book was released on June 2, 2008. At the time, Perino endeavored to paint McClellan as an angry miscreant. “Scott, we now know, is disgruntled about his experience at the White House. We are puzzled. It is sad. This is not the Scott we knew.”
“That won’t happen again,” said Perino in a later press gaggle. She detailed a process that will amass a folder of dirt on each person working in and for the White House. “Anybody says the wrong word, we bury them… and quickly.”
Other White House personnel were unavailable for comment.