Do you hate traffic?
Do you ever wish you could lash out at it?
Are you a dedicated misanthrope?
Do you suck at driving?
Look no further.
We’re growing a global community that will exacerbate the problem at every turn, aggravating drivers practically everywhere. No driving test required.
Teamwork is very important to accomplish our mission. We communicate with a secure walkie-talkie app to coordinate movements, performing such maneuvers as:
- Going real slow in the left lane (or right lane in countries like the UK)
- Turning on the blinker and slowing down blocks before the actual turn
- Staying back from the line at intersections so the magnet that signals the traffic light won’t engage
- Lurching slowly into other lanes
- Speeding up when someone tries to pass you, then slowing down when they get back behind you
- Waiting a few seconds after the light turns green to look up
- Pairing up alongside other society drivers to go just a couple of miles below the speed limit
A complete list of mission goals will be provided upon initiation. There is no fee to join, and you pay your own expenses, but in return you get the satisfaction of making people miserable wherever you go.
That’s right, you’re not limited to your home operational area. Once admitted, you can deploy anywhere in the world whether or not you’ve ever driven there. Meet up with fellow traffic jammers.
Become part of an international fellowship today! As we are a secret organization, we do not divulge our name and new members are accepted by invitation only.
If a driver angrily honks their horn at you, that is our calling card. Pull over immediately and prepare to receive your induction letter.
