Coca-Cola attracts younger market with “Pepsi Coke”

March 29, 2018

Coke has been tinkering for years with a formula to compete with Pepsi, and now they’ve taken it to the logical extreme with new Pepsi

Spielberg to direct 10 minute biopic on William Henry Harrison presidency

April 28, 2015

HOLLYWOOD – Director Steven Spielberg is set to direct another presidential biopic like 2012’s Lincoln, this one a short film about the shortest presidency in

Spacewalk goes awry for Shuttle mascot

May 18, 2009

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER – The fifth and final spacewalk for Shuttle Atlantis mission STS-125 ended abruptly today when astronauts had to retrieve their dog. Gus,

Economists to keep predicting recession until they get one

May 26, 2008

ST LOUIS – Prominent economists will continue issuing warnings that we may be headed for a recession until it comes to pass, according to prominent

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the ground was, in fact, still.

You Can’t Park Here. This Is Your Final Warning.

This is a hastily researched developing story and will probably not be updated. If you hear something, holla.

MORE NEWS

Dumbrella repels rain, builds muscle

JACKSON, MS – Pearl Sumner got tired of getting rained on while working out during her daily walks, so she did something about it. She

Volunteers sought for trials of mystery pharmaceuticals

MINNEAPOLIS – Drug manufacturer Trottelcorp is accepting applicants for multiple trials involving numerous drugs for which they have no defined function. So far, over 3,000

Album of the Day: Alanis Morissette, “Jagged Little Bill”

Opinion: There Was A Time You Could Remove The Paper From A Drinking Straw With Just A Jab On The Table

OPINION BY HENRY L. OGLETHORPE – You younger folks won’t believe me, but when I was your age, the paper on drinking straws was loose

Radio telescope opening garage doors on distant planets

ARGUS, NM – A radio telescope once used for charting the universe is now being employed to open garage doors in galaxies many light years

Newlywed man discovers there is a wrong way to fold towels

EDGEWATER, FL – Jackson Lipscombe, recently married to fiancée Charlize, has just learned that the way he has been folding towels for decades is incorrect.

Have you seen my keys?

Dear Editors, My keys are missing. I’ve looked everywhere. Perhaps you or your readers could have some leads on where to look. They’re on a

I like the way the paper smells

Dear Editors, You whippersnappers have a lot to learn about things if you think that I’m going to start buying digital books. Sincerely, Ken Maraschino

How long would the air in a walk-in freezer last for a full grown adult?

Dear Editors, Asking totally hypothetically, for a friend who was too bashful to ask. Curious in Sheboygan

I will overthrow Shogun for you

Corrupt imperial dictator hassling you? Depose them quickly by bringing me into the picture. I’ve got horseback skills, archery, spearfighting, hand-to-hand combat, stealth and other

Gigantic Radioactive Crab

Ollie is a real sweetheart looking for a forever home. He has no papers but we’re pretty sure he’s a Sand Crab from the Lower

Free to a Good Home: Sentient Toaster

This little self-aware toaster is looking for a forever home. Can make perfect toast every time, but may occasionally lock you out of the kitchen.

Veterinarian: If Your Dog Does This, Call An Accountant Immediately

Dog lovers need to be aware of a concerning symptom, warns a veterinarian. “Your furry friends can get into mischief, that’s nothing new,” said Gibby

It’s dangle. Berries don’t dingle.

Guest Editorial by Captain Lou We need to talk about wording. Being a large, shaggy breed of dog, I am all too familiar with the

New bill would require president to find country on map before invading

WASHINGTON – Representative Martin Montgreen (I-NM) introduced a bill in Congress that would create the requirement for the U.S. president to locate and identify a