Obscure politicians across nation preparing for possible VP nod

June 1, 2015

IOWA – Governors, mayors, city council members and tax assessors across the United States are dusting off their fancy suits for the prospect that one

GM gets additional $3 billion from Washington for rust proofing

May 27, 2009

DETROIT – Automotive giant General Motors sat Washington down in the manager’s office Wednesday and laid it out straight. This deal on the table to

Online Poll: Most qualified 2008 candidate is you

January 17, 2008

YOUR COMPUTER – In a recent poll taken online today, you matched your own values more closely than any other candidate. You were referring to

This Day in History: Pony Express “when it absolutely, positively has to be there in about a fortnight”

January 30, 2008

ST. JOSEPH, MO – The first speedy transcontinental mail service in the United States offered an economy option this day in 1861. Pony Express —

HAL 2008 assures voters that all systems are functional

November 1, 2008

SWINGTOWN – Sentient supercomputer HAL-2008 wishes to reiterate its complete confidence in its ability to handle the presidential election with accuracy, fairness and efficiency. “You

Airline offers budget seating on wing

This is a hastily researched developing story and will probably not be updated. If you hear something, holla.

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Scavenger Lobby protests declining quality, volume of scraps

WASHINGTON, DC – A coalition of squirrels, rats, raccoons, pigeons and other scavengers testified before Congress this week to bring attention to the dwindling quality

Chemtrails found to cause belief in chemtrails

RUSSELTON, AL – The long-debated and long-dismissed conspiracy theory about “chemtrails,” the belief that governmental agencies are using high-flying aircraft to disperse chemical or biological

Found peanut begins infernal voyage

CLEMENTOWN, JUST NOW – A youngster who encountered and ate a stray peanut on his way home got more than he bargained for… a journey

Hoo, Boy

MEDFORD – Oh, man. I just… whew. It’s like, whoa. This isn’t even… I don’t know how to … sigh Gimme a minute here. Can

Lego Rolls Out Pompeii Model

ITALY – The Lego Group of Denmark has introduced a new Pompeii building set as part of their exclusive Creator series. At $450 and 9,032 pieces,

Gnocchia launches first edible smart phone

VENICE – Mobile phone manufacturer / dumpling maker Gnocchia released its flagship model smart phone today, the Gnocchia Malfatti I. Marking a first in smart

Have you seen my keys?

Dear Editors, My keys are missing. I’ve looked everywhere. Perhaps you or your readers could have some leads on where to look. They’re on a

I don’t like the way poor people look at me when they’re waiting for the bus

Dear Editors, It gets uncomfortable in the back of my limousine whenever I pass a bus stop downtown on the way to my estate. I

You blew out the candles at my 7th birthday and I haven’t forgotten, James

Dear Editors, It’s been 41 years, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my birthday cake at Ferrell’s. James from apartment

2 BR Apartment with great view of exhibitionists’ living room

$2030/mo. Lower Uptown area – beautifully remodeled apartment on 4th floor with controlled access, washer/dryer, creek/trail nearby, Nest thermostat, stainless steel appliances, great view of

FREE CAR

Come and get it! 1972 Ford Galaxie. You’ll probably need to tow it because it’s wedged in between two houses. Runs great, low mileage, a

Free Lawn Clippings

Free lawn clippings available. First come, first serve. Please only take what you need from the top 3 inches or so. Well maintained, watered frequently.

More setbacks in testing and production of lead shower curtain

GALENA – PlumBob Home Industries announced today that it has indefinitely suspended production of its lead shower curtain line. “We’ve pushed back the drop date

Doping scandal rocks semiconductor world

SILICON VALLEY – Officials in charge of semiconductor events have accused numerous electronics manufacturers of introducing impurities into their products in order to modulate its