Earth to occupants: I’ll be fine. You, not so much
EARTH – The planet on which every known organism lives sent an open letter to all of them today, assuring that it would prevail despite
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Monopoly adds Eminent Domain to nab properties
This is a hastily researched developing story and will probably not be updated. If you hear something, holla.
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Satan Closes Hell In Response To Loose Wasp
In a historically unprecedented move, Satan has announced that Hell will be closed until further notice due to a loose wasp. “We can’t have a
Music Industry To Crack Down On Performance-Enhancing Substances
LOS ANGELES – Amid accusations that some musicians may be doping to get ahead in the fiercely competitive world of music, industry leaders have announced
Budget Ninja makes mythical warrior capabilities affordable
SEARCHLIGHT, NV – Stealthy practitioners of the deadly ancient art of ninjitsu are both expensive and hard to find, but one such covert mercenary has
Report: People love bulleted lists
TUFTON, RI – Researchers have determined that nobody is even going to read their reports or paragraphs like this unless they format it as a
Squirrel Wants To Know If You’re Going To Eat That
CHARLOTTE, NC – An adorable squirrel is watching from a cautious distance while you eat your lunch on the park bench, wondering if you are
